Silly Songs with Snape: The Song of the C.E.B.U.
by Phantasia
Summary: Snape reflects upon his childhood, and he has company with him.


*An assortment of tropical drums play in the background. I have no idea what they're called, so I'm making them tropical.*  
  
{Ron, Narrator} And now it's time for Silly Songs with Snape. The part of the story where Snape comes out and sings… a silly song.  
  
Ladies and gentlemen, wizards and witches, Snape the Potions Master presents, in a sequential image, stereophonic, multimedia event… the Song of the C.E.B.U.  
  
{Snape} Weasley!  
  
{Ron} What?  
  
{Snape} Sit down! You're in detention!  
  
{Ron} But I'm supposed to be the narrator.  
  
{Snape} Would you like me to take more points from you?  
  
*Ron resignedly sits down with Harry and Hermione*  
  
*Sing to the "Song of the Cebu" tune*  
  
{Snape} C.E.B.U.!!!!!  
  
*The click of the slide projector is heard*  
  
{Snape} This is the song about a boy [Snape]  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} A song about a little boy, and his C.E.B.U.  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} A song about a little boy and his three C.E.B.U.  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} The little boy who had a sick C.E.B.U. [Played by Remus, who is about to turn into a werewolf],  
  
a sad C.E.B.U. [Played by James, who just got in a fight with Lily],  
  
and a mute C.E.B.U. [Played by Peter, who's intent on not speaking so no one will guess he's a Death Eater]….  
  
And also a hippogriff.  
  
*Click*  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} Umm… Umm.. This is me at King's Cross.  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} This is a frog I found in a pond.  
  
*Ron cringes at the only memory he has of Snape with a frog*  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} This is me at a Wizard duel.  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} This is me fighting a wizard.  
  
{Harry, Hermione, and Ron} Oohhh!  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} This is me and the wizard  
  
{ Harry, Hermione, and Ron} Aahhh!  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} This is me and the wizard and.. I think that's the wizard's cousin. He's a C.E.B.U., only not part of the Marauders.  
  
*Click*  
  
{Ron} Hold it! You call this a detention?! This is a slide projector and a bed sheet, not detention. And what on Earth is a C.E.B.U. anyway?  
  
{Snape} C.E.B.U. Cohort of Enormously Boastful Underachievers, The Marauders.  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} See?  
  
{Ron} Yes. Well, very good. This could be interesting. Carry on!  
  
{Snape} Twenty points from Gryffindor! I don't need your permission to continue, you stupid boy. Now sit down!  
  
*Ron is about to argue, but decides against it. Instead, he remembers Snape as the boggart. Hee hee hee.*  
  
{Snape} C.E.B.U.!!!! Sing it with me!  
  
*Groans*  
  
{Snape} C.E.B.U.!!!  
  
{Harry, Hermione, and Ron} C.E.B.U.!!  
  
{Snape} Boy is riding with C.E.B.U.  
  
{Students} Snape is riding with C.E.B.U.  
  
{Snape} Riding on his broom so new.  
  
{Students} Riding on his broom so new.  
  
{Snape} Sick C.E.B.U. is groaning and howling. Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awoo!  
  
{Students} Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awoo!  
  
*Author apologizes for her poor excuse for the sound of a wolf howling.*  
  
{Snape} Hippogriff chewing on bamboo.  
  
{Students} Hippogriff chewing on bamboo.  
  
{Snape} Can't see boy and three C.E.B.U.  
  
{Students} Can't see Snape and three C.E.B.U.  
  
{Snape} Sad C.E.B.U is whining and crying. Boohoohoohoo, Boohoohoohoo, Boohoohoohoo, Boohoohoohoo, Boohoo!  
  
{Students} Boohoohoohoo, Boohoohoohoo, Boohoohoohoo, Boohoohoohoo, Boohoohoohoo, Boohoohoohoo, Boohoo!  
  
{Snape} C.E.B.U.!  
  
{Students} C.E.B.U.!  
  
{Snape} C.E.B.U.!  
  
{Students} C.E.B.U.!  
  
{All} Awooo, Awooo, Boohoohoohoo, Boohoohoohoo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Awooo, Boohoohoohoo, Boohoo!  
  
{Snape} Hippogriff seen by mute C.E.B.U.  
  
{Students} Hippogriff seen by mute C.E.B.U.  
  
{Snape} Tries to tell the other two  
  
{Students} Tries to tell the other two  
  
{Snape} Mute C.E.B.U. is waving and grunting. Hmmhmmhmmhmm, hmmhmmhmmhmm, hmmhmmhmmhmm, Hmmhmmhmmhmm, hmmHMM!  
  
{Students} Hmmhmmhmmhmm, hmmhmmhmmhmm, hmmhmmhmmhmm, hmmhmmhmmhmm, hmmhmmhmmhmm, hmmhmmmhmmhmm, hmmHMM!  
  
*Click*  
  
*Click*  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} Uh oh!  
  
*Click*  
  
{Ron} Wait! What happens next?  
  
{Snape} Umm…  
  
{Ron} Does the hippogriff see them? Is the poor mute C.E.B.U. successful in communicating the imminent danger to the other passengers? Is the boy injured? Why is the sad C.E.B.U. sad? Is the broom a Comet? Or a Nimbus? Why are you riding with them in the first place? I thought you hated them. And why are we here, anyway? How did you get the slide projector to work?  
  
{Snape} Would you be quite! You ask too many questions! To answer your questions, which I don't know why I'm doing, shows are no fun to watch if you're alone. And I thought it would be proper torture for you. As for how its works, that's none of your business. The same goes for why they are with me.  
  
*Click*  
  
{Ron whispers to Harry} I think he actually enjoyed their company.  
  
*Click*  
  
*Harry nods in agreement*  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} Oh look! There's me and Lucius at Honeydukes!  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} Oh wow!  
  
{Students} Yuck!!!!!!  
  
{Snape} Forgot about that one.  
  
*Click*  
  
{Snape} There's me and that wizard again.  
  
{Ron} You can't just start detention and leave it hanging like that! You know, I've come to expect a lot more from you. This is quite disappointing! I'm going to have to speak to Professor Dumbledore about this.  
  
{Snape} Oh no you don't!  
  
*Snape performs a quick memory spell on Ron and the other students, then continues.*  
  
{Snape} Oh look! A C.E.B.U.!  
  
{Students} What's a C.E.B.U.?  
  
{Snape} Shut up and repeat after me.  
  
{Students} Fine. C.E.B.U.!  
  
{Snape} Wait. That's my old girlfriend.  
  
{Students whisper} No more song about C.E.B.U. Need another verse or two. We students are sneaking and leaving. Bye bye you, bye bye you, bye bye you, bye bye you, bye bye!  
  
{Hermione} What a waste of a detention! We didn't even do anything useful!  
  
{Harry} Tell me about it.  
  
  
  
AN: The men in white let me out early. Actually, they kicked me out, saying I was too much trouble. So I'm out again, terrorizing the world.  
  
For all of you who asked for it, here is "The Song of the Cebu." Please R/R. .  
  
Disclaimer: Once again, nothing belongs to me.  
  
Also, Thank you, Mom! You really helped me out with this one. 


End file.
